Hello all!
Firstly we wanted to wish you all a very happy new year! 2014 was
definitely my fave! We celebrated by staying in with my sisters and a
friend, watching movies and eating junk! Arjun had a late night and fell asleep
on the bottle at 10pm haha. How did you
celebrate?
Upon reflecting on 2014, my sister offered to write a guest post for my
blog. I thought it was a beautiful idea
and was really pleased she was up for it.
The following post is written by my sister, Goov, who ended up being my
second birthing partner at the very last minute. I don't know what Preetam and
I would have done without her. Just having a second person there made both of
us that little bit stronger. It also meant that Preetam got a break during my
week at the hospital. She was absolutely amazing especially given she's not
usually the greatest in such situations haha. Both my twin sisters have been absolutely incredible - I'll be blogging about this separately in the near future :)
Goov was unable to come
to theatre with me so went through her own rollercoaster of emotions not
knowing what was going on whilst at the same time my husband who was in theatre
was facing a different type of unknown - I know the aftermath of when
Arjun was born was one of the hardest things he's ever had to deal with – Arjun
was taken away as his temperature dropped drastically and I fell unconscious. I
can’t really imagine what that must have felt like. But I have a small idea from his display of
emotions over the few days after Arjun was born :(
I found Goov’s account super emotional to read as I guess for us ladies
when we are in labour we forget about everything once we see our little bundles
of joy but for those around us it's probably a little more prominent and
therefore harder to forget having to watch their loved ones go through what
they do during labour. We're probably quite quick to forget (I am definitely
guilty of that!).
A huge thanks to Goov for taking the time out to reflect. Love you and Harv both so much x
Here it is ...
At the turn of the new year, we always reflect back on our highlights of
the last 365 days. For me, it would without a doubt be the day gorgeous little
Arjun was born. Or rather, the 84 hours leading to his arrival! I know you’re
thinking “why on earth would those 84 hours be a highlight seeing how traumatic
it was!?” Well, let me tell you. Here is my birthing partner story.
So on the Sunday that Harps was being induced, I had cooked up a mean pasta to
take with me whilst visiting her in hospital for her to eat. Preetam popped
home to get things ready for baby’s arrival and sort out Bruno the dog at home.
When I arrived and offered Harps my pasta – she categorically refused, she was
in no position to be eating a gourmet meal whilst her contractions were getting
under way! She was showing me how solid her stomach would become as the
contractions came on – its mind boggling what the human body does to itself so
naturally.
As the time was quickly passing, she continued to do her prayers and
log the contractions using the app on her phone. When she found it too painful,
she tossed me her phone so I could update it – she’s definitely one to stay on
top of things no matter the circumstances even if it is data entry in an app!
Soon enough, the midwife came along and as much as I’d love to say “the rest
was history and here’s baby Arj...” you’ve all read Harps’ birth story – it
wasn’t quite the case.
For me, hearing the words “we better take you down to
the labour ward” were the scariest thing I could hear. Madam doesn’t travel
light either so in my fear and haste to get down to the labour ward, I also had
to pack all her things up – this felt like it took forever. Immediately I
called Preetam and within about 4 mins, he had raced to the hospital and had
met us at the entrance to the ward – perfect timing! I’d help settle her in and
leave them to endure the process ahead. Not quite. I ended up hanging around a
little longer, with both Harps and Preetam asking me to – I think they were
both very nervous so having a third person there was in some way a comfort. The
senior midwife came in to do an internal examination and check how well the
pessary was working down under (sorry for the visual).
I have never heard such a scream – ever.
My family and friends will tell you how big a cry baby I am. I cry over
the smallest things be it out of joy or sadness. I heard this shrill scream and
did not cry. Seeing my brother in law hold on to his wife crying out like that
with tears in his eyes I still didn’t cry. I was in absolute shock. Was this
what she would have to endure? At this point, even as a bystander, its
difficult to remember that by the end there would be a precious new life in the
world! And after all that, she was 0cm dilated. (DO NOT be put off by that –
I’ll explain why later!) Naturally, both grandmas to be and aunties to be were
messaging asking for updates. To have previously sent a quick message around
saying we were in the labour ward and stirring up tons of excitement to then
having to tell them that actually it may be a while was difficult!
Eventually it was time to go home and as mummy-to-be started feeling the
effects of the pethidine I snuck out, full on the pasta that she still refused
to eat because she was in so much pain but insisted I eat because I had ended
up sticking around for much longer than anticipated!
The next day I was at work when I got a message that Harps would like me to be
her 2nd birthing partner. My twin sister couldn’t get time off work and my
manager happened to be really understanding. Even saying that I refused. After
what I witnessed the night before I was petrified and that wasn’t even the main
event! Nothing would persuade me. Something somehow did. I still don’t know or
remember what changed my mind but I found myself the next day at the hospital,
helping Harps walk around to let gravity do its job, running up and down in
turns with my brother in law to get Costa Peach Lemonade, sending updates to
the family.
Still no dilation.
I would then go back home, with my phone on full
blast volume like the rest of the family, waiting for the call that just would
not come!
Days later, we headed down for the epidural and to force the waters
to break. Bear in mind, I know absolutely nothing about child birth or the
process or anything of the sort. An anaesthetist came and explained the process
and the side effects at which point I’m thinking “It can’t be that bad?
Surely?” She then sprayed a substance to numb the back before administering the
epidural. That alone was hard to witness, she was in a state. Whilst Harps
clung on to Preetam for dear life and he was doing everything in his power to
remain strong for her, I held her hand. We both kept talking to her throughout
the process. Even when she wanted me to shut up, I would mention things we find
funny – y’know, private sister jokes that kinda thing – to keep her mind off of
the four attempts we could see the anaesthetist make behind her.
Eventually,
several screams, tears and even laughs later, she was ready to go. Another
thing to remember is that at this point, we’d all lost any sense of time so I
couldn’t tell you on which day this all happened. Once her waters were broken,
I was getting so excited, finally I’d get to meet my niece or nephew – I was
absolutely certain it was a girl (!). As the hours wore on, we were given 2
reclining chairs positioned right underneath the air conditioning. This was
going to be interesting.
As I endured the lovely Real Housewives of different
states in America that kept Harps entertained, she was becoming more numb and
feeling less pain and just pressure.
As the day and then night wore on, the
midwives were becoming increasingly more concerned about the baby’s position
and the monitor kept showing the heart rate was dropping so whilst Harps was
dozing off, they kept having to wake her to change positions. This is probably
the first she’ll know about it, but at that point I was extremely nervous and
scared about what would unfold over the next few hours. The midwives were
absolutely amazing and did not show an ounce of worry but when you are faced
with the situation at hand you sit there and think, I don’t know what I can do
here to help and I don’t want to add any more stress but AHHHHHHHHHH!
When the time came to push, we egged her on like we had never done so before!
She told us she couldn’t do it. She fell asleep in between the spurts of
pushing. She told us again she couldn’t do it. But we told her she could,
because look at how much she had been through, over 4 days she had been
contracting and tugged at and examined and awakened. I know now that some birth
stories are the same, better or worse. Either way, I have an unbelievably new
found deep respect for women, our mothers and grandmothers and mothers before
that who would have had to endure this pain without the support of the amazing
medical staff and facilities available now.
So she’s been pushing for hours and still no sign of baby. I’m
still thinking how lucky am I that I will be witnessing #1 the birth of my sister's baby
but also #2 my niece or nephew who I can tell this story to for years to come
when they’re answering us all back! It was well into the early hours of the
morning - FYI I’m definitely a natural sleeper. Let it be known, when you are
in this situation, there is no such thing as sleep or tiredness. You can’t dare
mention being tired in front of a lady in labour either – I’ve learnt the hard
way (!).
The consultant on duty soon came in and decided that she would be
taken into theatre to try forceps/ventouse. I was extremely disheartened to
hear this because she had tried for so long to do this naturally. All of a
sudden there was a mad rush and midwives and doctors were pulling wires out and
taking the brakes off the bed and grabbing all sorts and pushing open the doors
and out they went. Only one person was allowed in theatre so I was left in that
delivery suite for what felt like an eternity. I was gutted that I didn’t get
to see the birth of my gorgeous nephew but was feeling sick with worry about my
sisters health because as they took her she was close to passing out!
I literally just sat there praying for hours and eventually Preetam came
in to say with joy that their gorgeous baby boy was born at 5.31am but
something wasn’t right. Harps was really unwell and he needed to grab her
things as they moved her to ICU. At this point I went back to their house to
shower up and let everyone know that they needn’t worry about anything – even
though I wasn’t sure what state mum and baby were in as it was literally a
whirlwind. When we found out what happened afterwards, even now, it makes us
all as a family very emotional because none of us would want the first minutes
of such a joyous occasion to be like that.
That day, once Harps was awake
and conscious and comfortable, Preetam asked me to come to the hospital to meet
my baby nephew as I was only a few minutes up the road from the hospital. He
needed to get home and shower and even rest as he hadn’t slept for about 30
hours at this point. I quickly obliged.
Here’s our first pic together:
When Preetam left, it quickly dawned on me – Harps couldn’t move because of the
effects of the epidural and the C-section so when the midwife came to say we
should check baby’s nappy I looked the other way. Little did I know I’d end up
changing a pooey tar-like nappy for the first time much much much quicker than
I had anticipated.
My twin sister works with children including babies in a nursery, she’s amazing
with them. Me, on the other hand, its a universal truth that I'm not very good
at all with kids. By the end of those first few hours, I had changed a couple
of nappies and rocked him to sleep. This was monumental for me and
spending that much time with him I just kept falling in love with him – he was
absolutely gorgeous. I'd say I'm a pro now. We definitely had some fun
very early on:
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| "Plotting to take over the World" |
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| West side |
And we continue to do so! I
said earlier not to let the scary parts of the story put any aspiring mums or
expectant mums to be off because even after absolutely everything...I can’t
wait to go through it myself one day. I know – it’s crazy and Harps will say
the same. But it is absolutely worth it and all mums out there will agree. As an
aunty it’s the most precious thing so as a mother, I can only imagine that it’s
priceless and indescribable. Needless to say, it was an honour being Harps' 2nd
birthing partner!
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| My handsome little nephew and I |
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| Arjun and his twin aunties/masis |
Thanks for reading! :)
Goov x
